Stone Toilet Paper

You have found your way to my survival website. No doubt looking for cool articles on how to be a man, kill things, make things and other cool stuff you can do with paracord! All those articles have their place, but this isn't one of them. I am talking about the less glamorous task EVERYONE will face in a survival situation. Yep, let's talk about taking a crap!

Taking a crap isn't something we often think about. Sure we do it regularly,but it is a bit of a taboo subject that isn't often discussed. However, taking a crap can actually become a quite hazardous endeavor if you have no knowledge of how to get your bum clean without toilet paper. Rashes and unsanitary complications aren't pretty and it is certainly not how I want to die!

Leaves are the obvious alternative. Well let's pretend it is the middle of winter and all the leaves have fallen. You still plan on making a number 2 right? I mean all winter is a long time to hold it, don't you think!

So, I would like to bring another alternative to toilet paper to your attention, one that you might not have considered, rocks. Yes rocks. A rock can actually be a great substitute for toilet paper. Of course, not all rocks are created equal. The first characteristic to consider when choosing stone toilet paper is size. Obviously, you don't want to use small gravel size stones. Try that and you might as well use your hand. The 20 pounders are going to be a bit heavy to wield. So your aim should be fist size stones.

Next consider the source, with smoothness being the goal. If you don't know why, then you can stop reading. You will surely die in any survival situation. If you know why a smooth rock is best, then keep reading. To find smooth rocks you will need to look in streams. Steams over thousands of years round off the edges of rocks and make them ideal for substituting them for toilet paper.

You may need at least a couple. An initial rock to do the gross work. Gross meaning the big work or majority of the work. Scratch that, gross has a double meaning here. Figure out the second meaning and win a thousand dollars!

The second or last rock is used when you are just putting the finishing touches on your rear end. How many rocks you need will depend to a large extent on what you have been eating and drinking. That isn't a joke... hmmm... another dual meaning statement.

So in the END you don't want to be without toilet paper, but when the SHTF... (oh crap)... a rock might just serve an unexpected purpose.